Skinny Bitch No More

I used to be one of those women you hated growing up. The skinny one who could eat anything and never get fat. In Eighth Grade, I was 5’7” tall and weighed 88 pounds -- and I didn’t even have an eating disorder! It was ALL me. My nickname in school was “Olive Oil,” if that tells you anything. Did I paint a clear enough picture?

Well, you’ll be happy to know that life finally catches up to us skinny bitches eventually, and when we hit the magical age of menopause, you get your wish at last, and the skinny bitches are skinny no more.

I’m about 10 pounds overweight. More like 15, but I’m in denial. Not so coincidentally, I gained this weight when I went on hormone replacement. My doctor – and Suzanne Somers -- promised me that once my estrogen and progesterone levels were balanced, that the weight would drop off.

Nada. Nothing. Zip. I’m still the same weight, three years later.

Instead of going into hiding AGAIN this summer, I decided that I would change it up a bit. I decided to take Pilates through OC Pilates Fitness Boot Camp and go cold turkey on hormone replacement, just to see what happened. I expected the weight to just melt away within weeks.

Well, after being off hormone therapy for just THREE days, my hot flashes and night sweats returned. And I woke up with painful headaches in the morning. I decided that maybe I could live with a few extra pounds because I certainly couldn’t live with these horrendous menopausal symptoms.

But I am still taking Pilates, and I’m eating less white stuff – the flours and the sugars. I’ve lost two pounds in two weeks, so I’m on the right track. My endocrinologist tells me that diets don’t work and the only real magic pill to weight loss is proper diet and exercise.

You hear that, Ladies?? We actually have to work at being thinner! Sorry to break the bad news to you. But if you want to be thin and healthy, you MUST put healthy food into your mouth and exercise for 30 minutes, at least three times a week. As hard as we've tried to dodge this hard, cold reality all these years, there is no getting around this very simple concept.

What's more, we can't blame it on water weight anymore because we no longer have periods. So we're screwed!

Now put down that chocolate-chip cookie and give me 20 stomach crunches.

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