Anyone Up For Some Sex?

How about some sex?! Anybody? Anybody?? It's debatable as to what the worst symptom of menopause is: hot flashes, night sweats, depression or the complete loss of sexual desire. To address the very delicate subject of "not being in the mood anymore" when you're going through menopause (a VERY common problem, by the way), I have invited Dr. Stephanie Buehler, a certified sex therapist and director of The Buehler Institute in Orange County, California, to be a guest blogger. Take it away, Dr. Buehler . . .


Menopause is a bitch. Your body is trying to wind down, but all the external demands are still the same: work, family, care giving duties, volunteer work, and pets, it all still falls on your shoulders. And then, in the middle of the night, when you’re wide awake with a pool of sweat growing cold on your chest, there is your partner, bugging you for sex.

As much as you’d like to clobber your man, stop and think. He may have slowed down, but he’s still in the game. If your sex life was pretty good before the transition, he’s going to be kind of clueless about all the changes you are experiencing.

Every woman is different, but the majority of women report that their sex drive takes a dive as they head into menopause. The culprit is decreased estrogen. Without adequate estrogen, a woman’s body cannot manufacture testosterone as readily. Testosterone is responsible for feeding the fantasy life and creating sexual desire and sensation, so as it decreases, so does drive. Lower estrogen contributes to other problems, such as vaginal dryness and thinning vaginal walls.

What to do? Your first trip should be to your gynecologist to discuss your sexual concerns, and any other symptoms related to menopause. You may decide that a low dose of hormone replacement is a good idea, or you may decide to try the natural route, such as acupuncture and herbs. Topical estrogen can help with dryness and ease any discomfort you may have with intercourse.

Whatever you try, you may still be left without much drive for sex. But here’s the important part: You need to separate the idea of drive—the inborn need for sex that is biological and pushes you to reproduce—and desire, the mental and emotional need for intimacy and closeness with another human being.

If you focus on the latter, you may find sex much more appealing, rather than forcing yourself to want it. It also means that you have to take more responsibility for telling your partner what is likely to make you desire sex. Do you need to have an intellectual chat on the sofa with a glass of wine? Or would taking a bracing walk on the beach revitalize your wish to spend some time in the bedroom? How about a massage and a shower? Or a good night’s sleep so that you are more awake to enjoy sex?

Last but not least, good sex requires good self-care. Consider slowing down during this time of transition, taking on fewer responsibilities so that you make sure you have the time and energy for pleasure, both sexual and nonsexual. Yoga is good for stress management and flexibility. Eating a balanced diet, one that is right for you (Mediterranean, high-protein, glycemic index, etc.) can also help you maintain energy for play.

One good thing: Most women are happy once they are fully in menopause, which is defined as 12 months without a menstrual period. No more worry about periods, no more worry about pregnancy. And, with life expectancy in the U.S. at 78 years, lots of time left to enjoy sex, one of life’s greatest free pleasures.


Dr. Stephanie Buehler is a sex therapist in private practice at The Buehler Institute in Irvine, California, and the creator of The Blog Erotic. Her special interest is helping couples attain intimacy, in and out of the bedroom.

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Good For The Soul

Gosh, is it Wednesday already?! I haven’t even told you about my jazz night at the Hyatt on Friday. Too much craziness going on at the moment, distracting me from what’s really important . . . YOU!

The Sunset Splash Party at the Hyatt Regency Huntington Beach Resort and Spa was The. Perfect. Girls’. Night. Out. Ever! Motown, martinis and men. With an ocean view. Does it get any better than that? Here’s a shot from my hotel room of the band setting up down by the pool:




The good news is, there is ANOTHER one coming up on June 19th at the Huntington Beach Hyatt, sponsored by K-EARTH 101 and hosted by Samantha Stander of the Morning Show, that you really don’t want to miss if you’re in this area. (Read about it here.)

It really wasn’t a “jazz night,” as I had originally promoted. Sorry. My mistake. The band that played is called Stone Soul. It’s a group of eight guys (I think I counted right. After a few Menopause Martinis, I’m not sure!) that plays “spot-on covers of soul and Motown classics.” (Hear for yourself!) Cute guys, in the oldmyasser age range. Proving, once again, the whole point of my blog -- that you’re never too old to ROCK!

I had my eye on the bald guitarist because I’m only interested in men who have less hair than me. But it was the lead guitarist and trumpet player who came over to our table and flirted with us between sets. The guitarist said he played with Prince at one time. He still went home alone.

I was pretty impressed by the turnout. I think a lot of hotel guests must have heard the great Motown tunes and came out of their rooms to check it out. Even kids were splashing in the pool. I shared a table and one heat lamp (it was a little chilly, being so close to the beach) with three of my closest friends, plus Vicki, a new gal. We’re all blondes. One of us is even a natural one. Guess who?

Two of my friends got lucky. No, not that kind of lucky. They won raffle prizes given away by K-EARTH. Movie tickets, DVDs and T-shirts. Michelle left her T-shirt behind. I kept it. It's now my nightshirt. Hope she doesn’t mind.

After the concert, we went back to my hotel room. I wanted to show off my nest for the night -- a beautiful suite on the top floor, with a balcony that overlooked the pool area and offered up a commanding ocean view.


I have stayed in many hotels and resorts in my AHEM years, and I must say that the Hyatt Regency in Huntington Beach is one of the most impressive resorts I have seen. I had a large, spacious room, amenities galore, a luxurious bathroom with TWO sinks (which I personally think is the secret to a happy marriage) . . .


. . . . a pass to the Regency Club, where they serve breakfast, snacks and appetizers pretty much all day, and in the morning, I felt like the Queen of Sheba opening up the curtains and stepping out onto the balcony to watch the surf rolling in.

Oh, one impressive detail I forgot to mention . . . When I walked into my room, look what was waiting for me:

The chocolate-covered strawberries are sitting on a bed of sugar. The palm tree is white chocolate. The ocean water is this sticky-sugary, tasty goo. And check out that chocolate surfboard! See? These are the little touches of class that make the Hyatt the crown jewel of hotels that it is. Kudos to the pastry chef who created this masterpiece!

And where was THAT career option back when I was choosing my major? I would have gladly given up the stress of writing stories for the joy of creating edible art, like this.

Like I said . . . a night of Motown, spending time with good friends and a relaxing stay at the beautiful seaside Hyatt in Huntington Beach. It was a weekend that was incredibly good for the soul.

Join Me For Jazz!

How would you like to be my date this Friday night? It will be a cozy one -- just you, me and hundreds (hopefully) of other people getting together for a night of jazz at the Hyatt Regency Huntington Beach Resort and Spa for the Sunset Splash Party, sponsored by K-EARTH 101 FM.

Did I mention it's FREE??

Yep, for nothing but your time (and a nominal valet parking fee, if you don't self-park), you can sit and relax and enjoy a live concert by Stone Soul, and quite possibly walk away with some free prizes and giveaways.

There will be EXTRA-SPECIAL drinks inspired by us Oldmyassers: The "Menopause Martini (straight up and dirty!)" and "The Fountain of Youth (Blue Curacao, Citrus Vodka, Peach Schnapps, White Cranberry juice, and Sweet & Sour)." You can also order the $3 Joint Juice and vodka, a sparkling juice drink with a full day's supply of nutrients for healthy joints.

No matter which drink you go for, it's sure to make you feel younger. Just a few glasses and you'll be puking like a teenager again. Better yet, after a few drinks, you won't even care how old you are.

What fun!

I realize that some of you oldmyassers don't live within a reasonable vicinity of Huntington Beach. (I'm talking mostly to my readers in Saudi Arabia and New Zealand!) But don't worry -- I'll post pictures!

if you're even close to Surf City, California, on Friday night between 6:30 and 9:30, PLEASE stop by. I'll try to get a table reserved just for us Oldmyassers.

For more details on the Sunset Splash Party and/or to register as a special guest of K-EARTH 101, click here.

Tampon Fun!

If you're like me, you have a few boxes of tampons in your bathroom, collecting dust. It's one accessory you just don't have any need for anymore, now that you are a "woman in transition."

Instead of throwing them out, or embarrassing yourself by donating them to a younger, more fertile friend, here's an idea on how to put those old, UNUSED tampons to good use:

25 Reasons Why You Should Thank Your Mom

Many of you Oldmyassers are mothers. Even if you aren't a mother, there's a real good chance you have one. Either way, tomorrow is Mom's Big Day. Just in case you've forgotten why you should be so grateful to your mom, here are a few reminders. Although I wish I had come up with this brilliant list, I did not create it, by the way. Rather, it was sent to me in a chain e-mail that was making its way around the Internet. Just wanted to share:

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE: "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION: "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC: "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT: "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY: "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS: "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM: "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA: "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER: "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY: "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION: "Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY: "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION: "Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING: "You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE: "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to stay that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP: "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR: "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT: "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS: "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS: "Shut that door behind you. Were you raised in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM: "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE: "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.

Pathetic, AGAIN!

Well, I'm back to being the most pathetic student in my Pilates class. The young woman who stole my crown on Tuesday quit the class. She's not coming back. I had a feeling this might happen when she whispered to me, "I really hate to exercise!"

She probably compared herself to me and thought, "There is NO way I will ever be as physically fit as Lynn, so why even try?"

The woman who replaced her is a fit and trim GODDESS. There is not one dimple of cellulite on her tanned and perfectly scuplted thighs, and believe me, I looked really hard for it!

"I'm a runner," she says. Well, LA-DEE-DA, Miss 5-Miles-A-Day! Why do these people even come to classes like this? To make the rest of us feel bad?

When the instructor tells you to do jumping jacks for one minute, you're supposed to jump for about 50 seconds, right? And then fake like you're going to die if you have to do those last 10 seconds. (Dramatically grabbing your thigh like you have a painful cramp really helps you win over the sympathy of the instructor, just an FYI.) So what kind of fitness sicko jumps an extra 20 seconds beyond the requisite one minute? She did that the entire class . . . she'd push herself to do more than was asked.

The big, fat show-off!

Twenty-five sit-ups became 35. Six exhausting laps around the track became 10. Fifteen punishing leg lifts became 20. I mean, who does this??

Of course I'm going back to class today. But I still hate the new girl.

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Not The Most Pathetic Anymore!

Aerobics classes were never my thing. Scratch that . . . exercise classes, in general, I have avoided like the plague. Scratch that . . . like the Swine Flu. Working up a big, group sweat is just NOT the way I want to start or end my day.

But I have reached a point in my life where I can no longer get away with not exercising. It’s like putting off doing your taxes until April 14th. I’ve stalled and delayed and created as many excuses as possible, but now that I am post-menopausal, no more free passes. It’s time to dust off that Jane Fonda aerobics video and get MOVING before I look like a 5’9” walking pear.

So I’ve already told you in a previous post that I finally dragged my expanding ass to a Pilates class. I am now THREE WEEKS into it! I know how alcoholics feel when they haven’t touched a drink for a while. I am swollen with self-pride. “No, that’s not fat. It’s pride!”

I’m proud that I haven’t quit yet. Thought about it a few times, then caught a quick glimpse of myself in the mirror and reconsidered. Anyway, the whole reason I’m writing this post is because something amazing happened in class yesterday. A new, much younger girl joined the class and my title as “The Most Out-Of-Shape, Can’t-Complete-A-Pushup-Or-Finish-50-Jumping-Jacks Exercise Cheater” has been passed on to her. Did you hear that? I am no longer THE MOST PATHETIC woman in the class!

She was the one huffing-and-puffing yesterday; the one who could barely do 10 sit-ups; the one who stopped in the middle of leg lunges across the floor; the one who whined about all her aches and pains.

Me? I gritted my teeth, dug deep down and completed EVERY repetition and set without one “I can’t do this” going through my head.

The torch has been passed. I am unbelievably proud of myself. An best of all, it looks like the swelling is finally going down.

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A Good, Estrogen-Patch-Changing Day

Who doesn’t love Saturdays, huh?? I look forward to every Saturday because it's the day I get to change my estrogen patch!

I mean, does it get any more exciting than that?

I am oddly joyful about this weekly ritual because it took me SO LONG to get to this point, to find the right form of bioidentical estrogen and progesterone that would create the perfect hormonal balance I needed to feel like my old, sassy self again.

If you've decided to try BHRT, and are having a hard time trying to find the estrogen/progesterone combination and dosage that work for you, be patient. Don't give up, because you and your doctor will figure it all out and you will start feeling better again, soon enough.

My long and winding road to BHRT bliss started out with creams that were specially formulated for me by mad scientists at a compounding pharmacy. Just like what Suzanne Somers raves about.

I rubbed them on the white underside of my arm every day. I thought they were working. I mean, at least I wasn’t having hot flashes anymore. But I was still tired and moody, and riddled with anxiety. After a whole year of feeling “just OK,” not great, my doctor determined that I had the kind of skin that doesn’t absorb cream very well.

Thick-skinned, I believe they call it. A little condition I developed during my divorce, I think.

Anyway, after another six months of trying out pills and sublingual drops, and various combinations of this and that, I finally found my panacea: the Vivelle estrogen patch that I change out twice a week, with a side order of progesterone drops on my wrist at bedtime.

Then it took ANOTHER three to four months to figure out the correct dosages of each. (JEEZ! Would I ever get this right, I thought?) I discovered that I am very sensitive to progesterone. I bloat up, get jittery and have killer headaches. So instead of dabbing the recommended eight drops on my wrist every night, my doctor and I have figured out that the most progesterone that my body can handle is just two drops a day. Two precious, white pearl drops, and I'm back to being me.

It takes a little trial and error to find the hormone replacement therapy that works best for you. But don’t give up! You have a lot of options and it’s just a matter of working with your doctor to find the combination that’s ideal for you.

What HRT solution has worked best for you?

• Bio-Promise: Are Hormones Safe Again? (abcnews.go.com)


• Should I take hormones or not? (cnn.com)


• Study: HRT Might Shrink Women's Brains (abcnews.go.com)


• Surviving the Mayhem of Menopause (menopause.suite101.com)

Happy May Day!

Today, this post has nothing to do with menopause. But it's a special day -- May Day -- and I wanted to take this opportunity to send a prayer, of sorts, to every woman out there. Because no matter what stage of life we are in or where we are in our cycles, we are all sisters at heart.

"May today there be peace within.
May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others.
May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are.

Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us."

A special thank you to Vicki, a friend for many decades, for sending this to me. And there's no need to send this to 15 of your closest friends to ward off a lifetime of bad luck. I did it for you!