Old, My Ass

Love This Young Lady!

noreply@blogger.com (Lynn) — Mon, 10 May 2010 02:37:00 +0000

I was cleaning up some files on my hard drive today (yes, it's Mother's Day, but I had to clean SOMETHING!) and I came across this old video. Funny lady, this Mrs. Hughes. Thought all you mothers and wives out there would appreciate this:

Twitter Travel Party Tonight!

noreply@blogger.com (Lynn) — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 17:41:00 +0000

There's nothing really worth watching on TV tonight. No need to look. I already did. But your Monday evening doesn't have to be a total bust. If you're like me, you have your mind on summer vacation and are wondering where the heck you're going to take the family this year, right?

You'll find some GREAT ideas from other moms at TravelingMom.com's FIRST-EVER Twitter party! We'll be chatting for an hour about everyone's favorite topic - TRAVEL! Specifically, we'll cover fun themes like "How To Get Great Travel Deals" and "Relaxing on Vacation," plus doing TONS of fun giveaways!

Please, join us from 9:30-10:30 EASTERN STANDARD TIME . . . TONIGHT . . . to pick up some awesome travel tips and ideas for your family's summer vacation.

Here's the link: http://tinyurl.com/ye97azc

Cold Turkey On Hormone Replacement?

noreply@blogger.com (Lynn) — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 23:06:00 +0000

It's going on four years now that I have been on bioidentical hormone replacement. I have Suzanne Somers to thank for that, although I think she lied to me. She had me believing that once I was balanced with the right amount of estrogen and progesterone, the extra weight gain would just MELT away.

While those horrendous menopausal side effects have disappeared -- the headaches, moodiness, anxiety, night sweats and hot flashes -- the extra pounds are still clinging on for dear life.

With spring approaching, I have my eye on a few cute little numbers that will look a helluva lot better on me if I was 10 pounds lighter.

So, I'm thinking . . . I might try to wean myself from the BHRT because I know it is the reason why I have gained the weight and kept it on. But I'm worried about what will happen when I deprive my system of this hormonal balm that has soothed it all these years.

Is there anyone out there who has tried to do this, and can you tell me what I should expect?

You're Never Too Old To Go After Your Dreams

noreply@blogger.com (Lynn) — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 18:12:00 +0000

Please give a BIG, warm welcome to my guest blogger, Marci Nault. I met Marci recently at a writer's social, and she lights up the room with her spark for life. Marci, an author and blogger of "101 Dreams Come True," has embarked on an inspiring project in which she is attempting to accomplish 101 lifelong dreams by June 4, 2012. (Read more about Marci HERE.)

It's all yours, Marci . . .

We are a nation focused on youth. We believe we must be successful early in life. We push our young to peak in sports by the time they're teenagers, and we're amazed when a man or woman in his or her 30s still competes professionally. We think we must accomplish everything before 30. When that doesn't happen we try to complete our lists by 40.

It seems that if we've come to a certain age and haven't accomplished our dreams, the chance has passed never to return. I've heard the comment, "Well I used to dream about doing things, but then life happened and I grew up." People are constantly trying to push back the clock with serums, plastic surgery and supplements for fear of getting older. Part of the reason is the change in their appearance, but I believe it's more about the dreams that have been unrealized.

They expected that by a certain age they would be in a certain place in their lives, and when it didn't happen, they try to grab more time.

It's never too late to realize a dream. Maybe it won't look the same. I'm never going to go to the Olympics to compete in skating. Sure, I could push my body five hours per day on the ice, six days a week, but for me, it's not worth it. The fact that I get to step onto the ice and live my passion is life-fulfilling.

Recently, at a world recreational skating competition, I had the chance to meet an 84-year-old skater. This woman amazed the crowd. She competed in over five events doing programs from one to two minutes in length. Programs aren't easy. To skate consistently for two minutes makes a young girl breathe heavily. This woman jumped, spun, and did spirals. When I spoke with her, she said, "You either move or you die. I do what I love and that keeps me young. Age is all in your mind, no matter what you look like on the outside."

So with that said, I hope this video inspires you to go after life with gusto - to move toward your dreams without thought to age. My friend recorded this video from the stands and it's hard to see, but this woman is twirling batons while skating.

Senior Portrait

noreply@blogger.com (Lynn) — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 20:40:00 +0000

OK, now I really feel old. Yesterday, I went to the movies with my sister. In the ticket line, the lady in front of me asked for a senior discount. She looked like a legitimate senior, probably in her late 50s. I suddenly realized that I had my AARP card on me (which, when I got it in the mail a few months ago, I decided not to blog about it because I am STILL in denial that I’m even close to being in this demographic group) and so I pulled it out and old-monkey-see, old-monkey-do, I asked for the senior discount, too.

Honestly, I fully expected the ticket agent to call my bluff and call her manager over to rat on me, tell him that there was an imposter at the window trying to scam her way into the theater on a senior discount . . . but she did nothing of the sort. She simply looked at me, flipped the card over, and said, “OK, $7 please.”

It’s a pretty sad day, indeed, when you can impersonate a senior citizen and get away with it.

I wanted to laugh. Make a joke out of it, Tell her, “Oh, come on! Do I LOOK like a senior?” But I was afraid of her response, so I said nothing but “Thanks,” and walked into the theater, passing symbolically into a whole new world. A grayer one at that.

Then it suddenly occurred to me that this AARP card could really work to my advantage. Hmmm . . . wonder if I can get a senior discount on a bucket of popcorn??

A Cougar Moment

noreply@blogger.com (Lynn) — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 02:20:00 +0000

First off, let me apologize for neglecting this blog for two whole months. We were stuck in the 70s, INDEED.

You're probably wondering who these two young pups are in the photo. They are the few, the proud, the marines that I met at a recent holiday party. And one of them -- believe it or not -- showed an interest in me. ME! A woman nearly twice his age! And he wasn't even drunk, either!

Now, I'm not one who usually goes after younger men. It just feels, well . . . predatory to be flirting with a man/guy/boy/kid who could easily be my own son. But can I help it if he was drawn to me like a moth to a flame . . . or more like a moth to an old sweater?

When we were introduced, I felt SOMETHING. Slightly muted, but it was there. Chemistry, perhaps, smothered in a few coats of dust. But he was so YOUNG, so adorable, so buff, and I was so, so . . . SO not going there!

We started talking about little things and quickly discovered that we had a lot in common. Like a love for David Sedaris and Sean Hannity. I liked his confidence, his strength. (We arm-wrestled. He won.) His patriotism and how resolute he was about defending our country. And yes, I was attracted to his boyishness, too. I now understand why older men go after younger women: it makes them feel younger; it takes them back to a time when life was far less complicated. I felt that way that night -- young and somewhat carefree.

Where were the guys like this when I was in MY 20s? Guys around whom I feel beautiful, intelligent and interesting.

Apparently, not even born yet.

It was a strange, awkward and wonderful dance of emotions that night. It ended sweetly, with a kiss on my cheek. He and his best buddy in the photo are going to be shipped off to Afghanistan soon. I’m worried for them. Their specific assignment in the Marines makes them the second most shot-at target on the battlefield. Dear, God!

He promised that when he returns, “I will track you down and give you the biggest kiss ever!” I’m blushing, but I plan to hold you to that, Soldier.

Be safe. Please come home. And Merry Christmas to all our young and fearless soldiers overseas.

Stuck In The ’70s

noreply@blogger.com (Lynn) — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 17:43:00 +0000

(Click on the hyperlinks to hear the songs!)

Every morning, I have this quirky routine. After I drop off my daughters at school, I walk (very eagerly) to the TV and turn on the 70s music channel. It’s the music I grew up with. And now it’s the music I exercise to. And dance like a dork to (so say my kids) as I clean up the breakfast dishes. It also creates a happy backdrop to reading my morning e-mails.
I’m hearing songs that I have long forgotten, but ones that instantly jog my memory and take me back to an easier time. The time before the Three BIG M’s: Marriage, mothering and menopause.
Who doesn’t love Three Dog Night’s “Joy To The World”? Or The Bee Gee’s “Fanny, Be Tender With My Love”? Or “We’ve Only Just Begun” by The Carpenters? Now that I think about it, songs back in the 70s were innocent and more soulful. They were more about love, or the promise of love. Today, songs are about girls kissing girls, rappers slapping big booties and trampy women taking rides on disco sticks. (Good GAWD!)
My older sister, Lori, and I LOOOVED "I Think I Love You" by The Partridge Family. So much so, that we laid in our rooms all day in the summer listening to the radio, just WAITING for that song to be played. One day, Lori couldn't hold out any longer. I mean, she really had to use the restroom, so she got up to go, and wouldn't you know it . . . the song came on the minute she left. I jumped off the bed and yelled down the hall: "Lori!! I Think I Love You!!" My mom came around the corner just then and said, "Lynn, that's the nicest thing I've ever heard you say to your sister." Too funny.
But I must confess, the real reason I love listening to 70s music is that it makes me feel younger. For about two hours every morning, I’m 13, 14, even 15 again. I’m a 5’8”, 100-lb. teenager in braces – Olive Oil, my friends called me (boy, was I SKINNY!) – with her whole life ahead of her. I haven’t yet fallen for the wrong guy. Or stayed too long in the wrong job in the wrong town. And I haven’t yet been betrayed by a best friend. Or by Mother Nature, who came far too early to claim my youth.
Life hasn’t turned on me. Yet. And that makes me happy.
I’d much rather listen to everyone else’s woes. Like the hippie who can’t get any respect in “Signs, Signs, Everywhere A Sign.” Or The Rolling Stones crying over "Angie."
But maybe I’m overdoing it a little, reminiscing too much about the 70s. Last night, I dreamed that Marie Osmond and I met somewhere and became instant buddies. In fact, she liked me so much, she was going to introduce me to her brother, Donny. Then my alarm went off and yanked me back to 2009. DAMN! Right when the dream was getting really GOOD!
So I fed my brain some more 70s music today, stirred up some more happy memories, hoping that when I turn in for the night tonight, I will somehow be transported back to last night’s dream. Pick up where Donny and I left off. Young, happy and in “Puppy Love,” stuck forever somewhere in the 70s.

"Price-Check On Tampons!"

noreply@blogger.com (Lynn) — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 04:59:00 +0000

Hey, Ladies . . . remember when you used to be embarrassed to buy tampons and maxi pads at the supermarket? It never failed, you would ALWAYS get a male checker and it was just so awkward because you knew that HE KNEW you were on your period. Remember how humiliating that was?

I used to be so self-conscious about buying feminine hygiene products that whenever I had to go down that aisle in the grocery store, I'd stall and delay until every shopper left that aisle and when I was certain I was alone, only then would I grab my box of pads or tampons and throw them hurriedly into the cart and wheel it as fast as I could out of there.

But the thing about having a period is that it means you are still young and fertile and useful to the world. You don't realize how privileged you are to belong to the society of menstruating women until menopause hits and your membeship expires. Like, forever. You are officially an old woman.

So the other day, my teenaged daughter asked me to pick up a box of tampons for her at the store. I didn't think anything of it until I got to the checkout stand. And then a funny thing happened. Instead of hiding the box under a package of tortillas (and there's a sick joke in there somewhere), I proudly -- yes, I said PROUDLY -- set the box on the checkout belt all by itself so that it stood out among the other grocery items. I actually WANTED the male checker to think I was bleeding profusely, quite possibly hemorrhaging!

Perhaps it was awkward for him to be handling these items that would eventually be used in a woman's most private area. But not for me because this box of tampons shouted to the world that I was YOUNG and FERTILE and USEFUL, again. This box of tampons said that if I wanted to, I could have that checker's baby. Or the baby of the man standing behind me. Or the baby of the guy working the deli.

In fact, these tampons sitting on the checkout belt screamed to everyone who saw them that I could have my PICK of fathers for my baby because I'm still having periods, La-Di-Da, and doesn't that make me so very young and special?

Of course it was all a big, fat lie. But it was fun pretending. And I think I fooled him. I think the checker really believed that the tampons were mine. And it made me feel so young again.

I'm Outta Here!

noreply@blogger.com (Lynn) — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 14:17:00 +0000

I'm checking in before I check out. Taking a little vacay, as they say, with the kids. I'll be back in touch soon! Hope you are enjoying your summer so far.

Worried About My Sister

noreply@blogger.com (Lynn) — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 13:16:00 +0000

Image by pixieclipx via Flickr

I have three sisters. The one who is 18 months younger than me has always had the most health problems. Weird stuff, too: Fibromyalgia, TMJ, Chronic Fatigue. Doctors think a painful fall down a stairwell YEARS ago may have triggered all this.

But now she's having problems with the female side of her. She's had an irregular period for about seven months, and when it does appear, it's very light. Cramps, though. She is tired all the time and her legs feel like they're going to give out on her.

I thought menopuase, of course. She's 47, and if heredity plays a part, then she should be well into it, like her big sister here. Oddly though, her FSH (follicle-stimulating hormone) number doesn't indicate that she is in menopause yet.

She had an ultrasound last week and they discovered that the lining of her uterus has thickened, and we're all just worried sick about her. She is getting a biopsy on Tuesday. There's plenty of info on this online, which is what has frightened me. I believe one of the best preventive health measures is to educate yourself. But sometimes you can learn too much.

The possibility of uterine cancer hangs over her. All us sisters are keeping our fingers crossed -- and praying a lot -- that it's not that.

Has anyone else had a similar experience? And what was the outcome? If you respond, that means you're still living and breathing, which is a good thing, and gives me hope.

Morning Joe

noreply@blogger.com (Lynn) — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 14:12:00 +0000

Ever since I started this blog, I’ve been on the lookout for people in their 40s, 50s and beyond who are living life to their fullest regardless of their age. And last Friday, I found my man! (I know this is a blog for women, but sometimes men can inspire us, too!)

I was driving my 11-year-old daughter to school and Joe Klug caught my eye. I noticed him immediately because he looked so out of place. As drivers were pulling out of housing tracks and into the busy streets and intersections to take children to school and head to work, Joe Klug burst onto the scene in rollerblades, gliding effortlessly down the sidewalk for a morning roller jog.

So after I dropped off my daughter, I did the only thing a curious blogger would do . . . I went looking for him. I knew an interesting story when I saw one. I saw Joe across the street, made a U-turn and then pulled into the driveway of a church, half blocking the sidewalk he was coming down. I think I scared him. I quickly explained my purpose and asked him if he wouldn’t mind posing for a picture. He hesitated at first, then allowed me to snap off this picture:

What I love about Joe is that he is an “older” guy engaging in a sport that is typically associated with young people. I didn’t ask him his age because it didn’t really matter. He grew up in North Dakota, where he played ice hockey as a kid. Rollerblading through the neighborhood, which he has been doing for many years, allows him to connect, once again, with his childhood passion.

“Old, my ass!” says Joe, who perfectly embodies the spirit of this blog.

You go, Joe!

Words Of Wisdom For Women

noreply@blogger.com (Lynn) — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 05:26:00 +0000

My big sister sent me this e-mail tonight, and I wanted to share it with all you Oldmyassers before bedtime. It's always good to end the day with a little humor. My two favorites are #14 and #15. How about you??

1. Aspire to be Barbie - the bitch has everything.

2. If the shoe fits - buy them in every color.

3. Take life with a pinch of salt... A wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.

4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls!

5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days).

6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality.

8. I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.

9. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

10. Don't get your knickers in a knot; it solves nothing and makes you walk funny

11. When life gives you lemons in 2009 - turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka.

12. Remember where ever there is a good looking; sweet, single or married man there is some woman tired of his bullshit!

13. Keep your chin up, only the first 40 years of parenthood are the hardest.

14. If it has Tires or Testicles it's gonna give you trouble.

15. By the time a women realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she's wrong.

I've Gone Rogue!

noreply@blogger.com (Lynn) — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 02:39:00 +0000

I live in Southern California. Orange County, to be precise. There are lots of rich and famous -- and really cool -- people down here. I am none of those. In fact, my motto has always been: “In a town with so many somebodys, it’s nice to be a nobody.”

Last weekend, I finally became a somebody. I was invited to my first-ever underground dinner in Studio City, the precise location I am not allowed to reveal for fear of either being killed, or worse, never invited back. But I can tell you that the dinner was not at a restaurant, but rather, at the home of LA-based chef named Amy Jurist. That’s Amy, below, standing in her kitchen.

About 50+ people gathered at her home in the hills, her “rogue restaurant,” most of them strangers, and all of us lovers of great food and wine, for one of Amy’s Culinary Adventures. As Amy puts it, “Underground dinner parties are like food raves. Bootleg restaurants in apartments, houses and other private spaces, where you get to dine with other fellow foodies, at locations you don’t find out about until after you’ve paid the entrance price.”

Pretty cool, huh?

Chef Amy has been hosting underground dinners for five years to rave reviews. She calls her special cooking style “yummy decadence.” Each dinner has a special theme. The dinner I attended was called “The Mushroom Experience,” and every dish was made from – you guessed it -- a different variety of mushroom. None of them hallucinogens, sorry.

Here’s a sampling of the menu:

Appetizer: Curried mushrooms in filo with crème fraiche
Dinner:
Soy-glazed Asian mushroom stir-fry
Grilled portabello mushroom pizza with goat cheese, fresh mozzarella, caramelized onions and spinach (my favorite!)
Mushroom, caramelized onion and chicken cannelloni with fontina and parmesan cream sauce
Porcini-crusted hanger steak with red-wine mushroom sauce

Here’s what the portabello mushroom pizzas looked like:

What I really enjoyed is the eclectic mix of people there. I met an Internet entrepreneur, an event planner, an artist, a public-relations professional, a mother of twin teenagers, a decorator and a lifestyle guru. Meet Lauren and Shanna of Purry Communications Group, holding their mushroom lamps made out of paper mache:

If you’d like to be on the inside of the “It” dining experience, log onto The Ghetto Gourmet,” a pirate restaurant project that started in 2004, whose website lists the more than 100 underground restaurants "in hiding" all over the country.

I’m a big Italian food fan, so you just may see me at Amy’s next underground dinner, “One Night In Italy,” on July 11th at a beautiful private residence in Santa Monica. (Click here to learn more about it.)

Did I mention the decorations were spectacular, too, thanks to a really creative guy named Jonathan Fong? Here’s one of his mushroom bubbles that was hanging over every table (is that a gorgeous sunset, or what??):

Anyone Up For Some Sex?

noreply@blogger.com (Lynn) — Thu, 28 May 2009 20:51:00 +0000

How about some sex?! Anybody? Anybody?? It's debatable as to what the worst symptom of menopause is: hot flashes, night sweats, depression or the complete loss of sexual desire. To address the very delicate subject of "not being in the mood anymore" when you're going through menopause (a VERY common problem, by the way), I have invited Dr. Stephanie Buehler, a certified sex therapist and director of The Buehler Institute in Orange County, California, to be a guest blogger. Take it away, Dr. Buehler . . .

Menopause is a bitch. Your body is trying to wind down, but all the external demands are still the same: work, family, care giving duties, volunteer work, and pets, it all still falls on your shoulders. And then, in the middle of the night, when you’re wide awake with a pool of sweat growing cold on your chest, there is your partner, bugging you for sex.

As much as you’d like to clobber your man, stop and think. He may have slowed down, but he’s still in the game. If your sex life was pretty good before the transition, he’s going to be kind of clueless about all the changes you are experiencing.

Every woman is different, but the majority of women report that their sex drive takes a dive as they head into menopause. The culprit is decreased estrogen. Without adequate estrogen, a woman’s body cannot manufacture testosterone as readily. Testosterone is responsible for feeding the fantasy life and creating sexual desire and sensation, so as it decreases, so does drive. Lower estrogen contributes to other problems, such as vaginal dryness and thinning vaginal walls.

What to do? Your first trip should be to your gynecologist to discuss your sexual concerns, and any other symptoms related to menopause. You may decide that a low dose of hormone replacement is a good idea, or you may decide to try the natural route, such as acupuncture and herbs. Topical estrogen can help with dryness and ease any discomfort you may have with intercourse.

Whatever you try, you may still be left without much drive for sex. But here’s the important part: You need to separate the idea of drive—the inborn need for sex that is biological and pushes you to reproduce—and desire, the mental and emotional need for intimacy and closeness with another human being.

If you focus on the latter, you may find sex much more appealing, rather than forcing yourself to want it. It also means that you have to take more responsibility for telling your partner what is likely to make you desire sex. Do you need to have an intellectual chat on the sofa with a glass of wine? Or would taking a bracing walk on the beach revitalize your wish to spend some time in the bedroom? How about a massage and a shower? Or a good night’s sleep so that you are more awake to enjoy sex?

Last but not least, good sex requires good self-care. Consider slowing down during this time of transition, taking on fewer responsibilities so that you make sure you have the time and energy for pleasure, both sexual and nonsexual. Yoga is good for stress management and flexibility. Eating a balanced diet, one that is right for you (Mediterranean, high-protein, glycemic index, etc.) can also help you maintain energy for play.

One good thing: Most women are happy once they are fully in menopause, which is defined as 12 months without a menstrual period. No more worry about periods, no more worry about pregnancy. And, with life expectancy in the U.S. at 78 years, lots of time left to enjoy sex, one of life’s greatest free pleasures.

Dr. Stephanie Buehler is a sex therapist in private practice at The Buehler Institute in Irvine, California, and the creator of The Blog Erotic. Her special interest is helping couples attain intimacy, in and out of the bedroom.

Good For The Soul

noreply@blogger.com (Lynn) — Wed, 20 May 2009 18:34:00 +0000

Gosh, is it Wednesday already?! I haven’t even told you about my jazz night at the Hyatt on Friday. Too much craziness going on at the moment, distracting me from what’s really important . . . YOU!

The Sunset Splash Party at the Hyatt Regency Huntington Beach Resort and Spa was The. Perfect. Girls’. Night. Out. Ever! Motown, martinis and men. With an ocean view. Does it get any better than that? Here’s a shot from my hotel room of the band setting up down by the pool:

The good news is, there is ANOTHER one coming up on June 19th at the Huntington Beach Hyatt, sponsored by K-EARTH 101 and hosted by Samantha Stander of the Morning Show, that you really don’t want to miss if you’re in this area. (Read about it here.)

It really wasn’t a “jazz night,” as I had originally promoted. Sorry. My mistake. The band that played is called Stone Soul. It’s a group of eight guys (I think I counted right. After a few Menopause Martinis, I’m not sure!) that plays “spot-on covers of soul and Motown classics.” (Hear for yourself!) Cute guys, in the oldmyasser age range. Proving, once again, the whole point of my blog -- that you’re never too old to ROCK!

I had my eye on the bald guitarist because I’m only interested in men who have less hair than me. But it was the lead guitarist and trumpet player who came over to our table and flirted with us between sets. The guitarist said he played with Prince at one time. He still went home alone.

I was pretty impressed by the turnout. I think a lot of hotel guests must have heard the great Motown tunes and came out of their rooms to check it out. Even kids were splashing in the pool. I shared a table and one heat lamp (it was a little chilly, being so close to the beach) with three of my closest friends, plus Vicki, a new gal. We’re all blondes. One of us is even a natural one. Guess who?

Two of my friends got lucky. No, not that kind of lucky. They won raffle prizes given away by K-EARTH. Movie tickets, DVDs and T-shirts. Michelle left her T-shirt behind. I kept it. It's now my nightshirt. Hope she doesn’t mind.

After the concert, we went back to my hotel room. I wanted to show off my nest for the night -- a beautiful suite on the top floor, with a balcony that overlooked the pool area and offered up a commanding ocean view.

I have stayed in many hotels and resorts in my AHEM years, and I must say that the Hyatt Regency in Huntington Beach is one of the most impressive resorts I have seen. I had a large, spacious room, amenities galore, a luxurious bathroom with TWO sinks (which I personally think is the secret to a happy marriage) . . .

. . . . a pass to the Regency Club, where they serve breakfast, snacks and appetizers pretty much all day, and in the morning, I felt like the Queen of Sheba opening up the curtains and stepping out onto the balcony to watch the surf rolling in.

Oh, one impressive detail I forgot to mention . . . When I walked into my room, look what was waiting for me:

The chocolate-covered strawberries are sitting on a bed of sugar. The palm tree is white chocolate. The ocean water is this sticky-sugary, tasty goo. And check out that chocolate surfboard! See? These are the little touches of class that make the Hyatt the crown jewel of hotels that it is. Kudos to the pastry chef who created this masterpiece!

And where was THAT career option back when I was choosing my major? I would have gladly given up the stress of writing stories for the joy of creating edible art, like this.

Like I said . . . a night of Motown, spending time with good friends and a relaxing stay at the beautiful seaside Hyatt in Huntington Beach. It was a weekend that was incredibly good for the soul.

Join Me For Jazz!

noreply@blogger.com (Lynn) — Tue, 12 May 2009 21:06:00 +0000

How would you like to be my date this Friday night? It will be a cozy one -- just you, me and hundreds (hopefully) of other people getting together for a night of jazz at the Hyatt Regency Huntington Beach Resort and Spa for the Sunset Splash Party, sponsored by K-EARTH 101 FM.

Did I mention it's FREE??

Yep, for nothing but your time (and a nominal valet parking fee, if you don't self-park), you can sit and relax and enjoy a live concert by Stone Soul, and quite possibly walk away with some free prizes and giveaways.

There will be EXTRA-SPECIAL drinks inspired by us Oldmyassers: The "Menopause Martini (straight up and dirty!)" and "The Fountain of Youth (Blue Curacao, Citrus Vodka, Peach Schnapps, White Cranberry juice, and Sweet & Sour)." You can also order the $3 Joint Juice and vodka, a sparkling juice drink with a full day's supply of nutrients for healthy joints.

No matter which drink you go for, it's sure to make you feel younger. Just a few glasses and you'll be puking like a teenager again. Better yet, after a few drinks, you won't even care how old you are.

What fun!

I realize that some of you oldmyassers don't live within a reasonable vicinity of Huntington Beach. (I'm talking mostly to my readers in Saudi Arabia and New Zealand!) But don't worry -- I'll post pictures!

if you're even close to Surf City, California, on Friday night between 6:30 and 9:30, PLEASE stop by. I'll try to get a table reserved just for us Oldmyassers.

For more details on the Sunset Splash Party and/or to register as a special guest of K-EARTH 101, click here.

Tampon Fun!

noreply@blogger.com (Lynn) — Mon, 11 May 2009 19:30:00 +0000

If you're like me, you have a few boxes of tampons in your bathroom, collecting dust. It's one accessory you just don't have any need for anymore, now that you are a "woman in transition."

Instead of throwing them out, or embarrassing yourself by donating them to a younger, more fertile friend, here's an idea on how to put those old, UNUSED tampons to good use:

25 Reasons Why You Should Thank Your Mom

noreply@blogger.com (Lynn) — Sat, 09 May 2009 19:32:00 +0000

Many of you Oldmyassers are mothers. Even if you aren't a mother, there's a real good chance you have one. Either way, tomorrow is Mom's Big Day. Just in case you've forgotten why you should be so grateful to your mom, here are a few reminders. Although I wish I had come up with this brilliant list, I did not create it, by the way. Rather, it was sent to me in a chain e-mail that was making its way around the Internet. Just wanted to share:

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE: "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION: "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC: "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT: "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY: "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS: "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM: "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA: "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER: "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY: "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION: "Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY: "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION: "Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING: "You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE: "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to stay that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP: "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR: "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT: "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS: "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS: "Shut that door behind you. Were you raised in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM: "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE: "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.

Pathetic, AGAIN!

noreply@blogger.com (Lynn) — Fri, 08 May 2009 13:09:00 +0000

Well, I'm back to being the most pathetic student in my Pilates class. The young woman who stole my crown on Tuesday quit the class. She's not coming back. I had a feeling this might happen when she whispered to me, "I really hate to exercise!"

She probably compared herself to me and thought, "There is NO way I will ever be as physically fit as Lynn, so why even try?"

The woman who replaced her is a fit and trim GODDESS. There is not one dimple of cellulite on her tanned and perfectly scuplted thighs, and believe me, I looked really hard for it!

"I'm a runner," she says. Well, LA-DEE-DA, Miss 5-Miles-A-Day! Why do these people even come to classes like this? To make the rest of us feel bad?

When the instructor tells you to do jumping jacks for one minute, you're supposed to jump for about 50 seconds, right? And then fake like you're going to die if you have to do those last 10 seconds. (Dramatically grabbing your thigh like you have a painful cramp really helps you win over the sympathy of the instructor, just an FYI.) So what kind of fitness sicko jumps an extra 20 seconds beyond the requisite one minute? She did that the entire class . . . she'd push herself to do more than was asked.

The big, fat show-off!

Twenty-five sit-ups became 35. Six exhausting laps around the track became 10. Fifteen punishing leg lifts became 20. I mean, who does this??

Of course I'm going back to class today. But I still hate the new girl.

Not The Most Pathetic Anymore!

noreply@blogger.com (Lynn) — Wed, 06 May 2009 13:51:00 +0000

Aerobics classes were never my thing. Scratch that . . . exercise classes, in general, I have avoided like the plague. Scratch that . . . like the Swine Flu. Working up a big, group sweat is just NOT the way I want to start or end my day.

But I have reached a point in my life where I can no longer get away with not exercising. It’s like putting off doing your taxes until April 14th. I’ve stalled and delayed and created as many excuses as possible, but now that I am post-menopausal, no more free passes. It’s time to dust off that Jane Fonda aerobics video and get MOVING before I look like a 5’9” walking pear.

So I’ve already told you in a previous post that I finally dragged my expanding ass to a Pilates class. I am now THREE WEEKS into it! I know how alcoholics feel when they haven’t touched a drink for a while. I am swollen with self-pride. “No, that’s not fat. It’s pride!”

I’m proud that I haven’t quit yet. Thought about it a few times, then caught a quick glimpse of myself in the mirror and reconsidered. Anyway, the whole reason I’m writing this post is because something amazing happened in class yesterday. A new, much younger girl joined the class and my title as “The Most Out-Of-Shape, Can’t-Complete-A-Pushup-Or-Finish-50-Jumping-Jacks Exercise Cheater” has been passed on to her. Did you hear that? I am no longer THE MOST PATHETIC woman in the class!

She was the one huffing-and-puffing yesterday; the one who could barely do 10 sit-ups; the one who stopped in the middle of leg lunges across the floor; the one who whined about all her aches and pains.

Me? I gritted my teeth, dug deep down and completed EVERY repetition and set without one “I can’t do this” going through my head.

The torch has been passed. I am unbelievably proud of myself. An best of all, it looks like the swelling is finally going down.

A Good, Estrogen-Patch-Changing Day

noreply@blogger.com (Lynn) — Sat, 02 May 2009 23:17:00 +0000

Who doesn’t love Saturdays, huh?? I look forward to every Saturday because it's the day I get to change my estrogen patch!

I mean, does it get any more exciting than that?

I am oddly joyful about this weekly ritual because it took me SO LONG to get to this point, to find the right form of bioidentical estrogen and progesterone that would create the perfect hormonal balance I needed to feel like my old, sassy self again.

If you've decided to try BHRT, and are having a hard time trying to find the estrogen/progesterone combination and dosage that work for you, be patient. Don't give up, because you and your doctor will figure it all out and you will start feeling better again, soon enough.

My long and winding road to BHRT bliss started out with creams that were specially formulated for me by mad scientists at a compounding pharmacy. Just like what Suzanne Somers raves about.

I rubbed them on the white underside of my arm every day. I thought they were working. I mean, at least I wasn’t having hot flashes anymore. But I was still tired and moody, and riddled with anxiety. After a whole year of feeling “just OK,” not great, my doctor determined that I had the kind of skin that doesn’t absorb cream very well.

Thick-skinned, I believe they call it. A little condition I developed during my divorce, I think.

Anyway, after another six months of trying out pills and sublingual drops, and various combinations of this and that, I finally found my panacea: the Vivelle estrogen patch that I change out twice a week, with a side order of progesterone drops on my wrist at bedtime.

Then it took ANOTHER three to four months to figure out the correct dosages of each. (JEEZ! Would I ever get this right, I thought?) I discovered that I am very sensitive to progesterone. I bloat up, get jittery and have killer headaches. So instead of dabbing the recommended eight drops on my wrist every night, my doctor and I have figured out that the most progesterone that my body can handle is just two drops a day. Two precious, white pearl drops, and I'm back to being me.

It takes a little trial and error to find the hormone replacement therapy that works best for you. But don’t give up! You have a lot of options and it’s just a matter of working with your doctor to find the combination that’s ideal for you.

What HRT solution has worked best for you?

Happy May Day!

noreply@blogger.com (Lynn) — Fri, 01 May 2009 18:52:00 +0000

Today, this post has nothing to do with menopause. But it's a special day -- May Day -- and I wanted to take this opportunity to send a prayer, of sorts, to every woman out there. Because no matter what stage of life we are in or where we are in our cycles, we are all sisters at heart.

"May today there be peace within.
May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others.
May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are.

Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us."

A special thank you to Vicki, a friend for many decades, for sending this to me. And there's no need to send this to 15 of your closest friends to ward off a lifetime of bad luck. I did it for you!

Skinny Bitch No More

noreply@blogger.com (Lynn) — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 05:09:00 +0000

I used to be one of those women you hated growing up. The skinny one who could eat anything and never get fat. In Eighth Grade, I was 5’7” tall and weighed 88 pounds -- and I didn’t even have an eating disorder! It was ALL me. My nickname in school was “Olive Oil,” if that tells you anything. Did I paint a clear enough picture?

Well, you’ll be happy to know that life finally catches up to us skinny bitches eventually, and when we hit the magical age of menopause, you get your wish at last, and the skinny bitches are skinny no more.

I’m about 10 pounds overweight. More like 15, but I’m in denial. Not so coincidentally, I gained this weight when I went on hormone replacement. My doctor – and Suzanne Somers -- promised me that once my estrogen and progesterone levels were balanced, that the weight would drop off.

Nada. Nothing. Zip. I’m still the same weight, three years later.

Instead of going into hiding AGAIN this summer, I decided that I would change it up a bit. I decided to take Pilates through OC Pilates Fitness Boot Camp and go cold turkey on hormone replacement, just to see what happened. I expected the weight to just melt away within weeks.

Well, after being off hormone therapy for just THREE days, my hot flashes and night sweats returned. And I woke up with painful headaches in the morning. I decided that maybe I could live with a few extra pounds because I certainly couldn’t live with these horrendous menopausal symptoms.

But I am still taking Pilates, and I’m eating less white stuff – the flours and the sugars. I’ve lost two pounds in two weeks, so I’m on the right track. My endocrinologist tells me that diets don’t work and the only real magic pill to weight loss is proper diet and exercise.

You hear that, Ladies?? We actually have to work at being thinner! Sorry to break the bad news to you. But if you want to be thin and healthy, you MUST put healthy food into your mouth and exercise for 30 minutes, at least three times a week. As hard as we've tried to dodge this hard, cold reality all these years, there is no getting around this very simple concept.

What's more, we can't blame it on water weight anymore because we no longer have periods. So we're screwed!

Now put down that chocolate-chip cookie and give me 20 stomach crunches.

Did Whacky Hormones Ruin My Marriage?

noreply@blogger.com (Lynn) — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 13:50:00 +0000

Is it just me or is it really HOT in here?

Sadly – and VERY prematurely – it happens to be “just me.” See, I boarded that non-stop train for menopause a wee bit early. Doctors say it’s genetic. Thanks to my grandma, who went through “the change” at 38, I’ve been cheated out of the sexiest years of my life. “Hot and sweaty” has a whole new meaning now.

Menopause marks the end of childbearing years. OK by me. But as the ovaries prepare to cough up that last egg, your body goes through hormonal hell anywhere from six months to 10 years prior to it. During “premenopause,” estrogen, progesterone and testosterone levels decrease and become imbalanced, causing mood swings, sleeplessness, depression, fatigue, unexplained weight gain (no, you can’t lose weight from night sweats) and other unwelcome problems.

All this time, I thought it was the side effects of single parenting. What a relief to discover that so much of my erratic behavior in the last five years can be blamed on hormonal imbalance:

Impatience with my kids. . . hormones. Dates I never called back . . hormones. Angry blogs I banged out . . . hormones. Thelma and Louise flooring it into the Grand Canyon . . . DEFINITELY hormones.

The big question is: Did hormonal imbalance cause the breakup of my marriage? I’m not going to let the ex off that easily, but it does make me wonder. Hormones are mysterious, yet powerful little boogers. Anyone with PMS can attest to that. An imbalance can cause moodiness, despondency, overreactions and a low sex drive. Little things that, over time, can erode any marriage.

I’ve talked to enough doctors and perused countless websites on this passage in a woman’s life -- from raging hormones to whimpering ones -- to know that hormonal balance is critical to our overall well-being. It’s why I made the decision to go on bioidentical hormone replacement therapy (their molecular structure mimic those produced naturally by the body). “Fill ‘er up with estrogen, please.”

In the three years that I have been on BHRT, it has done wonders for me. I sleep better, have amazing energy and my skin glows. Suzanne Somers makes a very convincing argument for bioidentical HRT in her controversial book, “The Sexy Years.” Not all doctors and menopausal women are in the Somers camp. But at the very least, you should have your doctor check your hormone levels. Perhaps the reason you feel so empty inside is because you really are.

OK, maybe, just maybe, imbalanced hormones played a small part in the demise of my marriage. I should talk to the ex and explain the whole silly thing to him. We’ll have a good laugh, get back together and live happily-ever-after on natural hormone replacement therapy.

Hey . . . I’m menopausal. Not crazy.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Don’t confuse bioidentical HRT with the synthetic versions -- Premarin and Provera -- which have been linked to an increased risk of breast cancer, stroke and heart disease according to a study by the Women’s Health Initiative.

Hidden Talents

noreply@blogger.com (Lynn) — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 15:28:00 +0000

I can't think of a better way to start off this blog aimed at menopausal women -- rather, "women in transition" -- than to share the video of Susan Boyle with you. You may have seen this already, as it has been around the world and back several times in the last week. But it's worth a second, third and fourth look, even.

Susan Boyle is a 47-year-old spinster from a small hamlet in Scotland. By her own admission, she never married, lives with cats and has never even been kissed. She has devoted most of her life to taking care of her infirmed mother. But Susan is a diamond in the rough. She has MAD singing talent!

She signed up for the hit show, "Britain's Got Talent," and when she clomped onto the stage in her clunky shoes and drab, beige dress with BLACK stockings (YIKES!), wiry, graying hair, peach-fuzzed face and Brezhnev-thick eyebrows, and told the panel of judges and audience of thousands that her dream was to be a singer, everyone just laughed at her -- especially the young girls, to whom the camera cut away several times. They rolled their eyes at her and you could just hear them thinking, "Oh, RIGHT, old woman! It's way too late for you. Give it up!"

Then she started singing, and the crowd was on its feet. See the miracle unfold for yourself:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

You got goosebumps, didn't you? Susan Boyle, I LOVE you! You give hope to everyone who has ever had a dream, or who has given up on a dream because they thought their season in the sun had passed them by long ago. The message here is simplistic, but important nonetheless: Believe in yourself, always -- no matter what your age! -- even when others don't.

Makes me wonder . . . how many of us have hidden talents that we've been too afraid to show the world? Well?? What are you waiting for, an invitation from Simon Cowell?